What is Rapport?

For something that sits at the heart of every sales interaction, rapport is rarely given the respect it deserves. Too often, it’s treated as a soft skill, a side dish, a vague, intangible quality that good sellers just “have,” like a winning smile or a firm handshake. But in B2B sales, rapport is not a nice-to-have, it is foundational. When done well, it can shift the entire dynamic of a sales conversation. When done badly, or ignored entirely, it leaves sellers stranded, unable to move beyond surface-level dialogue or generic observations.

The problem is that the word itself has been overused and misunderstood. Ask ten sellers what rapport means and you’ll get ten different answers, most of them vague. Some think it’s about being likeable, others think it’s about being relatable, a few will mention “building relationships” but struggle to explain what that really looks like in a cold outbound world where attention spans are measured in seconds and trust is at a premium.

This ambiguity means many default to what’s safe and familiar. They talk about the weather, they scan LinkedIn for a shared university, they remember a dog’s name, a child’s piano recital or a recent holiday. None of this is inherently wrong, it can even be helpful in the right context, but it’s not rapport, at least not the kind that drives meaningful commercial progress.

Because rapport is not about being remembered as “the nice one,” it’s about being remembered as “the one who gets it,” the one who listens differently, who asks questions no one else has, who isn’t rushing to solution or steamrolling the call with a script. In short, rapport is about showing that you’re safe to talk to but serious about why you’re talking.

And in a market where buyers are more sceptical, more pressured and more time-poor than ever, that kind of presence cuts through, it doesn’t just make sales conversations easier, it makes them possible.

More than Likeability

Rapport is not about being liked. Plenty of sellers are liked, far fewer are trusted, and trust, not likeability, is what moves opportunities forward.

Somewhere along the way, the word “rapport” was watered down, reduced to weather chat, empty flattery and a few LinkedIn comments on someone’s new job. Sellers have become oddly obsessed with the idea that starting a conversation with “How’s the weather where you are?” is a proven path to emotional connection. It’s not. It’s a path to becoming forgettable. Unless your prospect is a meteorologist, no one remembers the sales call that began with cloud cover.

Rapport has been miscast as a kind of social lubricant, something to grease the wheels before you get into the “real” conversation. But in B2B sales, rapport is the real conversation. It’s not about warming people up, it’s about showing them that you understand their world, their challenges and their context, that you’re not there to be liked but to help.

And help starts with intent, because real rapport is not a vibe, it is not charm, it is not charisma, it is the cumulative effect of showing someone that you’re not rushing them, not pushing them and not trying to make the opportunity fit your target when it doesn’t fit their priorities.

When rapport is treated as a tactic it becomes transparent, buyers smell it a mile off, but when it’s built slowly through presence, relevance and genuine listening, it earns you something rare: permission, permission to ask difficult questions, permission to challenge assumptions and permission to be taken seriously.

That’s the foundation great sellers build from, not friendliness, not familiarity, but mutual respect and a shared sense that the conversation is worth having.

The Neuroscience of Rapport

There’s nothing mystical about rapport. It might feel intuitive when it’s happening, that moment when a conversation just flows, but underneath it there’s hard science, and for sellers, understanding what’s happening neurologically when we establish rapport is useful not just as insight but as advantage.

At the core is mirror neuron theory. First discovered in the 1990s by neuroscientists in Parma, Italy, mirror neurons are brain cells that fire both when an individual performs an action and when they observe someone else performing that same action. In plain terms, we’re wired to connect. When someone is actively listening to us, nodding, leaning in, even mirroring our tone or pace, we start to unconsciously feel they’re aligned. This is not manipulation, it’s biology, and it explains why we gravitate toward people who make us feel understood.

Another key player is oxytocin, sometimes dubbed the “trust hormone.” When we experience positive social interactions, especially those involving empathy, active listening and genuine interest, our oxytocin levels rise. In a business context, this helps explain why sellers who are present, patient and attuned to nuance tend to build more trust, faster. According to research from Claremont Graduate University, even short bursts of positive social engagement can increase oxytocin production by up to 40 percent, significantly enhancing feelings of psychological safety.

Harvard Business School’s Negotiation Insights Lab found that participants who engaged in five minutes of informal conversation before a negotiation reached agreements 30 percent more often than those who didn’t. The key insight wasn’t just that they chatted, it was that the quality of the conversation created familiarity. Rapport reduced defensiveness, opened cognitive bandwidth and led to better problem-solving.

In sales conversations, this translates directly. Buyers who feel psychologically safe are more candid, they are more willing to surface blockers, internal pressures, budget constraints, the very things that help us qualify effectively. And critically, they’re more willing to shift their perspective, because when people feel at ease, their brains are less focused on self-protection and more open to new information. The amygdala, which governs threat response, dials down, and the prefrontal cortex, responsible for complex decision-making, is more active.

This is why good discovery doesn’t feel like an interrogation, it feels like a conversation. And it’s also why techniques that bulldoze rapport, over-talking, assumptive questioning, lack of listening, trigger the exact opposite: defensiveness, distraction and disconnection.

The science backs up what many great sellers have always sensed instinctively, that rapport is not decoration, it is the condition under which everything else can happen, it creates the cognitive and emotional setting in which real commercial conversations can unfold.

Rapport and Commercial Outcomes

This is not just theoretical. Rapport directly influences commercial outcomes, and not in the vague, motivational poster sense. It shapes how buyers respond, how honestly they engage and how quickly qualified opportunities progress.

According to LinkedIn’s State of Sales report, top-performing sellers are 2.3 times more likely to say they always put the buyer first. That phrase, “putting the buyer first,” can feel like corporate wallpaper, but when you unpack it, what it really signals is this: the seller listens, adapts and responds in a way that prioritises relevance over rehearsed messaging, and that is the bedrock of real rapport.

Because when a buyer feels seen and understood, they stop performing. They stop pretending they’re further along than they are, they stop giving vague “follow-up next quarter” responses just to close the tab. Instead, they engage, they disclose, they start to let you into the real internal conversations they’re having — not the ones they tell every vendor, but the ones that reveal what might actually be stopping them from acting.

This saves everyone time. Opportunities that aren’t a fit are qualified out earlier, the ones that are a fit move faster with fewer surprises. When rapport is strong, sellers can introduce tension without it being taken personally. They can ask the difficult questions like, “What happens if you do nothing?” or “Who’s going to challenge this internally?” These are not rapport-breakers, they are rapport-dependent.

And the numbers support it. Research from Gong shows that top sellers listen more than they speak, with successful sales conversations having a talk-to-listen ratio closer to 43:57. That’s not just about being polite, it’s about creating space for the buyer to think out loud, to articulate in their own words why this conversation matters.

Even in late-stage opportunities, rapport remains critical. Procurement professionals, legal teams, senior approvers, they are not swayed by charm but by the confidence that this seller is consistent, informed and easy to work with under pressure. If rapport isn’t there, the conversation becomes harder, more transactional and less collaborative.

Rapport isn’t a nice prelude to the sales process, it is what makes the process work, it is the difference between chasing stakeholders around an organisation and being invited into the real conversation.

The Mistake of Over-Rapporting

Still, it’s possible, and surprisingly common, to go too far. Sellers often confuse rapport with relationship-building, and while the two are connected, they are not the same. Rapport is the foundation for a commercial relationship, it is not the relationship itself.

There’s a particular flavour of seller who’s always liked, always welcomed, always chatted with, but rarely gets anything of substance done. They’re told, “You’re great, let’s catch up again next month,” but the opportunity never moves. What’s happened here is not progress, it’s performance, a pleasant, well-meaning dynamic that makes the seller feel valued while keeping them safely outside the decision-making circle.

When rapport becomes the end goal rather than a means to meaningful engagement, it loses its edge. Buyers are happy to keep the conversation going, but not the opportunity. This is often where sellers get stuck in the infamous friend zone of B2B sales, they’re included but not involved.

And the cost of this isn’t just wasted time, it’s distorted forecast data, overoptimistic pipelines and sales cycles that stretch endlessly with nothing to anchor them. Just because someone takes your calls, replies to your emails and jokes with you on Zoom does not mean they are committed to the opportunity. Familiarity can be a trap, it lulls sellers into thinking the relationship is strong enough to convert, when in fact, it’s just frictionless enough not to offend.

As Anthony Iannarino puts it, “You can have a great relationship and lose the opportunity to someone who has a great solution.” Rapport without substance is theatre, it makes everyone feel good, but it doesn’t move anything forward.

The job of the seller is not to build rapport for its own sake, it’s to use rapport to unlock honest conversations, uncover risks, introduce urgency and test commitment, that’s what commercial rapport does, anything less is noise.

Earning, Not Assuming

If there’s one mistake that trumps overdoing rapport, it’s assuming it’s there when it isn’t.

Rapport has to be earned, slowly and deliberately, not through charm or cheerfulness but through intent, relevance and restraint. It’s earned when a seller shows they’ve done the work, when their questions go beyond the obvious, when they’re willing to hear “not right now” and treat it as a sign of alignment, not a personal failure.

The temptation, especially in early-stage conversations, is to fast-track rapport, to use humour or shared interests or upbeat energy to build connection. But buyers are increasingly resistant to this, they’ve been on too many calls where the tone is warm but the intent is thin, they know when they’re being steered.

And they don’t owe you anything, not their openness, not their business, not even their time. You earn it by proving you understand their world, not just the industry clichés but the specifics — their market pressure, their role expectations, their strategic tensions, the things they’re measured on and judged by.

This is why sellers who spend too much time learning rapport techniques often fail to create real connection. Rapport isn’t a technique, it’s a response, a signal from the buyer that they feel safe to speak plainly because you’ve earned it.

And when that happens, the conversation shifts. It becomes less guarded, less staged, you start hearing things sellers aren’t usually told, you get access not just to people but to perspective. And once you’ve got that, you’re no longer just another voice in their inbox, you’re part of their thinking.

That’s what true rapport creates. Not pleasantries, but presence.

Aaron Evans

12 July 2025

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